I haven’t posted as much lately as it is summer, and I’ve been doing a lot of family trips. Including an Alaskan cruise the last two weeks. Such periods are supposed to be happy times, worth their extra cost in part due to our anticipating and remembering them fondly. But while such trips are indeed often filled with interesting and indulgent sights and experiences, they also let me see and feel death.
What I see among my friends, the men in particular, is that pride gets in the way of seeking out new experiences. A lot of men pin their self-worth and status on their abilities at a particular job or hobby, and as their abilities wane they hold on to what they have rather than try new things. It's essentially an ego-protection mechanism. Trying new things puts you back into the uncomfortable "beginner" box, where kids 40 years younger than you are vastly better than you, and you have no standing whatsoever. Women in general are less deterred by their ego, and generally age better in this regard. You'll see a lot of older women taking beginning painting or pottery classes, but not a lot of men.
Striking that Hanson would be so conscious of mortality at 67. I retired at 58 and am now in my 85th year and think of mortality a bit, but at 67? Since I was that age I have had a lot of activities and also made some big changes, such as a radical transformation in my skiing technique. (I skied 72 days this last season).
Recently my wife and I went on cruise for the first time in a decade. We were amazed at how much younger the average passenger had gotten; what happened to all the old folks? Then we realized: we are them.
I found this an inspiring read. The sentence "old folks no longer seek nor expect personal transformations" feels to me as a good demarcation criterion: irrespective of one's bodily age, once the person crosses that line, their mind became old. The trick, evidently, is to never stop seeking, and expecting, personal transformations.
I real all the comments too. Some readers took the piece quite negatively. Others took it in concern. Some are trying to educate you on what they perceive as errors. Other are providing advice. Myself, I see it as the unfolding of an insight, similar to the many we have over time, it's unpacking containing both positive and negative aspects, as also is usual. Thanks for sharing!
I'm 65. I avoided the shock of retirement by leaving my last day job at 48 and doing other new things for a living, and then other new things, and then other new things. So I don't even know, or care, which profession is "a big part of who I'm and the justification of my existence." It is a poor existence that must be justified by a day job!!! Robin, the world is big and there are soooo many important and interesting things to do - you'll just have more time to do them.
"Thinking and writing are such a big part of who I am that I feel partly dead during extended periods when I can’t do them. And that isn’t a pleasant view or experience to me."
On vacations I spend a lot of time thinking and writing on my laptop. Were you not able to do that because you felt obligated to spend most of the time with your partner engaged in cruise/touring activities?
This is a really interesting observation, because it correlates with my experience living in China. I have found living in China over the last 20 years to be inspiring and positive, and in large part that seems to be because everyone I interact with here has a belief that their life will be better than their parents; and that in 10 years' time, they will be living better than today.
To that end, there is a lot of craziness and hare-brained schemes and misdirected effort. But it all seems positive and well-intentioned to me. When I visit the UK (where I was born and grew up), life seems considerably less positive and energetic.
Quite the condescending and elitist view you put forth here. I think that is especially so with the coda paragraph whereby you approvingly cite someone saying "that people over-claim the transformative powers of travel" and that this "probably applies better to older travelers." Of course it does. OIder travelers most often have traveled more than their younger counterparts. They've had more time on earth to travel. If you are cooking a stew and you've already thrown every herb and spice in the cabinet into the pot, one more spice is not going to change the flavor profile of the dish as much as the second or third spice added had done. That's reality. It's not, as you imply, because older people are more set in their ways for reasons limited to older people being set in their ways. We've lived life. We know what we want. Ever think that could be the reason? That's what living is all about. And that is most certainly not a foreshadow of dying. I wish the insta-link had warned me of the dangerous riptide of smug superiority and condescension via-a-vis your fellow cruisers and your readers.
Surprised that at 63 you are thinking so much of death. I retired at 58 and am now in my 85th year. Over those 27 years I have been quite active and made a lot of changes, including a radical transformation in my skiing technique (I skied 72 days this last season). You have a long way to go before you get geriatric. My wife and I recently took a cruise after a gap of about a decade, and were surprised at how much younger most passengers now were. We wondered what had become of all the old folks, and then realized, we are them.
Hmmnnn, perhaps the old folks who are now comfortably where they are were once young looking to make changes in their life, succeeded, and are enjoying their success.
What scares me most about young people I meet is their lack of direction, and interests. One heard I was from Wisconsin and asked me about Dahmer. Another didn't seem to have any goal--and he's 35. Damm.
There may be a bit of a self-selection effect going on there: living in and visiting China involves many inconveniences, so those of us who do it must have some special reason for liking it. It was just interesting that RH expressed exactly that same idea in a quite different context.
"The difference that stood out to me is that such old folks no longer seek nor expect personal transformations"
I got a probable death sentence yesterday (https://jakeseliger.com/2023/07/22/i-am-dying-of-squamous-cell-carcinoma-and-the-treatments-that-might-save-me-are-just-out-of-reach/), and that's also likely decreased my interest in seeking or expecting personal transformations—and even non-personal transformations.
Why must you ever retire from thinking and writing and personal growth?
Why didn’t you write on this trip?
What I see among my friends, the men in particular, is that pride gets in the way of seeking out new experiences. A lot of men pin their self-worth and status on their abilities at a particular job or hobby, and as their abilities wane they hold on to what they have rather than try new things. It's essentially an ego-protection mechanism. Trying new things puts you back into the uncomfortable "beginner" box, where kids 40 years younger than you are vastly better than you, and you have no standing whatsoever. Women in general are less deterred by their ego, and generally age better in this regard. You'll see a lot of older women taking beginning painting or pottery classes, but not a lot of men.
Interesting post!
You lost me at "admirably international."
Striking that Hanson would be so conscious of mortality at 67. I retired at 58 and am now in my 85th year and think of mortality a bit, but at 67? Since I was that age I have had a lot of activities and also made some big changes, such as a radical transformation in my skiing technique. (I skied 72 days this last season).
Recently my wife and I went on cruise for the first time in a decade. We were amazed at how much younger the average passenger had gotten; what happened to all the old folks? Then we realized: we are them.
I think if you need a vacation from your everyday life , You already died most of the time. And than a vacation is needed to think and write.
I found this an inspiring read. The sentence "old folks no longer seek nor expect personal transformations" feels to me as a good demarcation criterion: irrespective of one's bodily age, once the person crosses that line, their mind became old. The trick, evidently, is to never stop seeking, and expecting, personal transformations.
I real all the comments too. Some readers took the piece quite negatively. Others took it in concern. Some are trying to educate you on what they perceive as errors. Other are providing advice. Myself, I see it as the unfolding of an insight, similar to the many we have over time, it's unpacking containing both positive and negative aspects, as also is usual. Thanks for sharing!
I'm 65. I avoided the shock of retirement by leaving my last day job at 48 and doing other new things for a living, and then other new things, and then other new things. So I don't even know, or care, which profession is "a big part of who I'm and the justification of my existence." It is a poor existence that must be justified by a day job!!! Robin, the world is big and there are soooo many important and interesting things to do - you'll just have more time to do them.
"Thinking and writing are such a big part of who I am that I feel partly dead during extended periods when I can’t do them. And that isn’t a pleasant view or experience to me."
On vacations I spend a lot of time thinking and writing on my laptop. Were you not able to do that because you felt obligated to spend most of the time with your partner engaged in cruise/touring activities?
This is a really interesting observation, because it correlates with my experience living in China. I have found living in China over the last 20 years to be inspiring and positive, and in large part that seems to be because everyone I interact with here has a belief that their life will be better than their parents; and that in 10 years' time, they will be living better than today.
To that end, there is a lot of craziness and hare-brained schemes and misdirected effort. But it all seems positive and well-intentioned to me. When I visit the UK (where I was born and grew up), life seems considerably less positive and energetic.
Quite the condescending and elitist view you put forth here. I think that is especially so with the coda paragraph whereby you approvingly cite someone saying "that people over-claim the transformative powers of travel" and that this "probably applies better to older travelers." Of course it does. OIder travelers most often have traveled more than their younger counterparts. They've had more time on earth to travel. If you are cooking a stew and you've already thrown every herb and spice in the cabinet into the pot, one more spice is not going to change the flavor profile of the dish as much as the second or third spice added had done. That's reality. It's not, as you imply, because older people are more set in their ways for reasons limited to older people being set in their ways. We've lived life. We know what we want. Ever think that could be the reason? That's what living is all about. And that is most certainly not a foreshadow of dying. I wish the insta-link had warned me of the dangerous riptide of smug superiority and condescension via-a-vis your fellow cruisers and your readers.
Surprised that at 63 you are thinking so much of death. I retired at 58 and am now in my 85th year. Over those 27 years I have been quite active and made a lot of changes, including a radical transformation in my skiing technique (I skied 72 days this last season). You have a long way to go before you get geriatric. My wife and I recently took a cruise after a gap of about a decade, and were surprised at how much younger most passengers now were. We wondered what had become of all the old folks, and then realized, we are them.
Hmmnnn, perhaps the old folks who are now comfortably where they are were once young looking to make changes in their life, succeeded, and are enjoying their success.
What scares me most about young people I meet is their lack of direction, and interests. One heard I was from Wisconsin and asked me about Dahmer. Another didn't seem to have any goal--and he's 35. Damm.
Oh, you travel?
There may be a bit of a self-selection effect going on there: living in and visiting China involves many inconveniences, so those of us who do it must have some special reason for liking it. It was just interesting that RH expressed exactly that same idea in a quite different context.