In a prospective study among 199 newlywed couples, partners’ self-reported and perceived understanding and their knowledge in different domains were assessed. Understanding was independent of knowledge. Self-reported and perceived understanding predicted relationship well-being but neither type of knowledge did. Thus, subjectively feeling that one understands and is understood by one’s partner appears to be more important to relationship well-being than actually knowing and being known by one’s partner.

Women who roll their eyes at hearing “My wife doesn’t understand me” already know this:

In a prospective study among 199 newlywed couples, partners’ self-reported and perceived understanding and their knowledge in different domains were assessed. Understanding was independent of knowledge. Self-reported and perceived understanding predicted relationship well-being but neither type of knowledge did. Thus, subjectively feeling that one understands and is understood by one’s partner appears to be more important to relationship well-being than actually knowing and being known by one’s partner. (more; HT Rob Wiblin)

Men who roll their eyes at “He just makes me laugh” know something similar.  We like some folks and dislike others, these feelings change over time, and for the most part we just don’t know why.  So we make up vague socially-acceptable reasons, like “understands me” or “makes me laugh.”