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CJ's avatar

"given how little we can usually do to make ourselves look better" Well, that's actually pretty subjective. What might be a little difference to one person could be a major improvement in another's eyes. For instance, if I shave my legs, I open up my dating opporuntities by probably something like 95% where I live. But I don't really like shaving my legs. It's partly the actual shaving and itchiness of stuble and all that fun stuff, but more the rule that I have to.

To me at least, I've always thought that the "like me for me" thing is more about "warts and all". Not so much about the "deeper", slower to reveal (positive) features, but about the negative features (which are inevitably more evident the more one gets to know a person and their other "deeper" positive features).

I could quite easily change quite a few things about my appearance and presentation which would increase the number of people who would consider me attractive... but do I want to? How much of a pay off is it? I certainly wouldn't say being hairy is an integral part of what makes me "me", but -even discounting the beliefs &/or personality aspects it represents to most people - it still seems like false advertising.

How much can one change about themselves without changing "who they are"? Is conceding to change something one doesn't want to change, in order to increase their dating prospects, just showing maturity and understanding of society works and that relationships are about give-and-take? Or is it insecurity, surrendering values (whether firm or loose), signalling acceptance of inevitable conformity and willingness to further change oneself in exchange for greater acceptance &/or affection? And is it "who one truly is" (ie. "the real me") receiving the affection and acceptance, or is it now a character one is playing?

And then there's the subjectivity of which features are negative or positive or neutral...

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Noumenon72's avatar

"Willpower" is fairy dust. Or perhaps, being unattractive makes it more difficult to gather the willpower. But I can't imagine anything people would want more than being attractive in our extremely judgmental culture, and still the weight loss odds are 20%.

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