Humans usually have a social norm against flattery. Yes we flatter each other, and often, but we usually flatter indirectly. So just how big of a fig leaf does it take to hide flattery? Consider item #1 from a post on “the seven techniques for ingratiation and influence that are most effective in moving up the corporate ladder without looking like a kiss-ass”:
I hesitate to call it flattery, but I know that something similar I do is to preface compliments with a statement that minimizes my qualifications to offer said compliment, EG: “I’m not very knowledgable in your field, but I think your article is very compelling.” Sometimes, flattery even leaks into the preface, like “My palate isn’t nearly as refined as yours, but I thought your cooking was delicious.”
Humans are reticent to praise much less flatter unless motivated. Praise runs down the chain just as flattery runs up it for much the same reasons but praise is not disdained but encouraged and encouraging. Sometimes it is honest, sometimes it is more honest than we can accept, and we always want it to be honest or at least want to believe it to be honest. That may be why it is so weak. I was always fond of Sir.
The solution is implicated flattery. "I really liked the answer you gave the customer." vs. "You won the sale just by being present at that meeting" focuses on specific behavior. It's like a chest bump in the end zone in the first and boot-licking toady-ism in the second.
Personally, I can't stand flattery, including listening to the standard preface to a question that goes on about the greatness of the person being questioned. But this seems so common that it clearly works, it creates a greater willingness of the person being questioned to take the question seriously and engage with the questioner. I suppose people aren't nearly as interested in discussing ideas as much as forming coalitions, though loathe to admit it.
I hesitate to call it flattery, but I know that something similar I do is to preface compliments with a statement that minimizes my qualifications to offer said compliment, EG: “I’m not very knowledgable in your field, but I think your article is very compelling.” Sometimes, flattery even leaks into the preface, like “My palate isn’t nearly as refined as yours, but I thought your cooking was delicious.”
Humans are reticent to praise much less flatter unless motivated. Praise runs down the chain just as flattery runs up it for much the same reasons but praise is not disdained but encouraged and encouraging. Sometimes it is honest, sometimes it is more honest than we can accept, and we always want it to be honest or at least want to believe it to be honest. That may be why it is so weak. I was always fond of Sir.
Humans usually have a social norm against flattery?
I hesitate to call it flattery, but I know that something similar I do is to preface compliments with a statement that minimizes my qualifications to offer said compliment, EG: “I’m not very knowledgable in your field, but I think your article is very compelling.” Sometimes, flattery even leaks into the preface, like “My palate isn’t nearly as refined as yours, but I thought your cooking was delicious.”
Relax: I've posted on roissy's for almost five years and get all my traffic from chateau heartiste.
After lurking here for almost two years, I wanted to take a 500 level course to rinse my brain out from all the babble I DO read.
Why would I want you to post there?
When you won't even acknowledge what I wrote about psychologists is completely true.
Humans are reticent to praise much less flatter unless motivated. Praise runs down the chain just as flattery runs up it for much the same reasons but praise is not disdained but encouraged and encouraging. Sometimes it is honest, sometimes it is more honest than we can accept, and we always want it to be honest or at least want to believe it to be honest. That may be why it is so weak. I was always fond of Sir.
I am embarassed to say +1 for this comment
Hey do you write anything substantive here, or are your posts just a way to get traffic to your blog?
Eric, I always knew you were too smart to fall for flattery.
The solution is implicated flattery. "I really liked the answer you gave the customer." vs. "You won the sale just by being present at that meeting" focuses on specific behavior. It's like a chest bump in the end zone in the first and boot-licking toady-ism in the second.
Personally, I can't stand flattery, including listening to the standard preface to a question that goes on about the greatness of the person being questioned. But this seems so common that it clearly works, it creates a greater willingness of the person being questioned to take the question seriously and engage with the questioner. I suppose people aren't nearly as interested in discussing ideas as much as forming coalitions, though loathe to admit it.
Even the most jaded blogger succumbs to flattery.Scientists, too.
It's why colleges keep psychologists around -to explain it.
Are you sure there isn't just a norm against telling lies, and so we disclaim a motivation for lying in praising our superiors?
Hypocritical social norms reward intelligence.
What exactly do you mean by "intelligence"? IQ, social skills, rationality, or something else?
Humans usually have a social norm against flattery?
I hesitate to call it flattery, but I know that something similar I do is to preface compliments with a statement that minimizes my qualifications to offer said compliment, EG: “I’m not very knowledgable in your field, but I think your article is very compelling.” Sometimes, flattery even leaks into the preface, like “My palate isn’t nearly as refined as yours, but I thought your cooking was delicious.”
Relax: I've posted on roissy's for almost five years and get all my traffic from chateau heartiste.
After lurking here for almost two years, I wanted to take a 500 level course to rinse my brain out from all the babble I DO read.
Why would I want you to post there?
When you won't even acknowledge what I wrote about psychologists is completely true.
Humans are reticent to praise much less flatter unless motivated. Praise runs down the chain just as flattery runs up it for much the same reasons but praise is not disdained but encouraged and encouraging. Sometimes it is honest, sometimes it is more honest than we can accept, and we always want it to be honest or at least want to believe it to be honest. That may be why it is so weak. I was always fond of Sir.