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Have A Thing
I’m not into small talk; I prefer to talk to people about big ideas. I want to talk big ideas to people who are smart, knowledgeable, and passionate about big ideas, and where it seems that convincing them about something on a big idea has a decent chance of changing their behavior in important ways.
Because of this, I prefer to talk to people who “have a thing.” That is, who have some sort of abstract claim (or question) which they consider important and neglected, for which they often argue, and which intersects somehow with their life hopes/plans. When they argue, they are open to and will engage counter-arguments. They might push this thing by themselves, or as part of a group, but either way it matters to them, they represent it personally, and they have some reason to think that their personal efforts can make a difference to it.
People with a thing allow me to engage a big idea that matters to someone, via someone who has taken the time to learn a lot about it, and who is willing to answer many questions about it. Such a person creates the hope that I might change their actions by changing their mind, or that they might convince me to change my life hopes/plans. I may convince them that some variation is more promising, or that some other thing fits better with the reasons they give. Or I might know of a resource, such as a technique or a person, who could help them with their thing.
Yes, in part this is all because I’m a person with many things. So I can relate better to such people. And after I engage their thing, there’s a good chance that they will listen to and engage one of my things. Even so, having a thing is handy for many people who are different from me. It lets you immediately engage many people in conversation in a way so that they are likely to remember you, and be impressed by you if you are in fact impressive.
Yes, having a thing can be off-putting to the sort of people who like to keep everything mild and low-key, and make sure that their talk has little risk of convincing them to do something that might seem weird or passionate. But I consider this off-putting effect to be largely a gain, in sorting out the sort of people I’m less interested in.
Now having a thing won’t save you if you are a fool or an idiot. In fact, it might make that status more visible. But if you doubt you are either, consider having a thing.
Added 11p: Beware of two common failures modes for people with things: 1) not noticing how much others want to hear about your thing, 2) getting so attached to your thing that you don’t listen enough to criticism of it.
Note also that having things promotes an intellectual division of labor, which helps the world to better think through everything.
Added 11Jan: Beware a third failure mode: being more serious or preachy than your audience wants. You can be focused and interesting without making people feel judged.