On Being Self-Aware
Diane Rehm yesterday, interviewing an expensive matchmaker:
REHM: And, Janis, you said that your clients are men. So you don’t take women who may have lots of money looking for a male?
SPINDEL: No, thank you.
REHM: Tell me why.
SPINDEL: Been there, done that.
REHM: Well, tell me why.
SPINDEL: To be honest with you, when I first started in business I had lots and lots and lots of fabulous women clients, really great women. And they seem to be needy and very high maintenance and you can never satisfy them.
REHM: Interesting.
SPINDEL: We would introduce them to amazing men. They’re not available, which is one of the biggest problems that I hear about women. See, I own the minds of men. I know what they want and I know what women do wrong. I could literally do this in my sleep. Men are very simple. You deliver exactly what they’re asking for and you leave the rest up to chemistry and the universe.
I have to admit this is somewhat at odds with my suggesting:
We should expect men to be more self-aware, transparent, and simple regarding their feelings about short-term sexual attractions. … In contrast, women should be more more self-aware, transparent, and simple regarding their feelings about long-term pair-bonding.
Spindel's men are not a random cross section. They're highly successful men consciously pursuing a long-term relationship.Even if being opaque comes naturally...as humans, men can override their nature simply by deciding to.
Spindel gets to cherry pick the non-opaque men, and then match them with the naturally non-opaque women. Who did she use as her pool of men for women? It's normal for women to complain. The key is to gauge what they're complaining about. What's her criteria for 'unsatisfied'?
That said, the naive interpretation may be correct. Perhaps women aren't satisfiable, or maybe even they don't know what they want.
If a majority of matchmakers feel women still need good looks and youth more than boardroom success to succeed in the dating market, then feminist organizations should be hedging their bets by contributing to the SENS foundation.
Alas, such thinking is rare in this world.