It's just a metaphor for having a bird's eye view. I think reviewing priorities is not the same. It is more like thinking too short-term, liking choosing to work a bad job day by day. So taking the kind of birds' eye view and asking ourselves if we had two choices, quit this job now or work here for the next ten years, which one is better, can be enlightening.
I don't think that they are opiate-thoughts. I regret similar things if think I'm dying.
People work hard and cumulate wealth and power because they are worried about future. When there is no more future those things are useless.
When people have future, but no resources they regret opposite things. They wish they had worked harder, cared less about their short term happiness, wasted less time hanging around with their idiot friends.
I don't know, I found those "regrets" to actually be quite poignant lessons in life. Expressing feelings openly and honestly is like casting magic spells. It really does transform your life. And yes, being happy is indeed a choice you make, and the choice is going to make you more rational, not less. All of these lessons build on each other, and the life they create is one that's unafraid of death.
Maintaining pure objectivity is a fool's game, but I don't expect to ever convince you of that, Robin.
bruh. you understand the average person achieves relatively nothing and suffers immensely for it? like cogs or bugs. even in present day, first world countries. most people spend it mentally miserable, complaining in comparison about social status. even in the most physically luxurious time period imaginable, they are not wise/brave enough to avoid getting one shotted by the social question. still seeking approval, they never self actualize and just work a goy job and eat goyslop and are skinnyfat and fill their precious time with lesuire activities like traveling to europe because they have, for all intents and purposes, essentially never had a unique idea of their own. the average american is way too zoomed in close for their entire lives, assuming that their misery is a default environmental condition that happens to them, whilst the whole time, it was just a matter of perspective. if they could have paid more attention to their own lives as they were living them, and had a drop of courage/creativity in the few moments their mind was willing to zoom out, they could have transmuted all suffering to peace. but no, they were addicted to distraction. addicted to not being alone with their thoughts, desperately avoiding the minor pain which was always the magic they were missing. and now that they finally see it head on, it’s too late. what’s not to regret about a society where the average person lives like this? acknowledgement is the first step to reshaping the way we live so that people can be happy and productive without denying their agency
“If you marry, you will regret it; if you do not marry, you will also regret it; if you laugh at the world, you will regret it; if you weep for the world, you will also regret it; if you believe in a woman, you will regret it; if you do not believe in her, you will also regret it; if you hang yourself, you will regret it; if you do not hang yourself, you will regret it; if you trust your friend, you will regret it; if you do not trust him, you will also regret it. Laugh at the world's foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will also regret it. Laugh at the world's foolishness or weep over it, you will regret it; whether you laugh or weep, you will regret it. Whether you believe in a woman or not, you will regret it. Whether you hang yourself or not, you will regret it. Whether you trust your friend or not, you will regret it. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.” — Kierkegaard
I'm also curious about the idea in your original article that people's bitterness made them ill. It does't go into detail, but what do you mean by ill? Localised illness, like stress, or 'big' illness, like cancer etc? If you meant the latter -- how do you know? How can you tell?
Hi Bonnie,Thanks for clarifying. Out of curiosity, if the book you're writing isn't free, will any percentage of profits go to any charity or body other than yourself?
In brief, my previous comment addressed the willingness of people to share their regrets with me. They were never pushed to do so and it was not a topic that was shared with all patients. It was simply something that came out of them naturally as our relationships developed, since they had someone sitting there listening to whatever they wished to share. What made my experiences different to your wife's, for example, is that I worked one-on-one with dying people in their homes, not in a busy hospice. So the relationships formed between us were entirely different. I was with people twelve hours a day, at least five days per week, sometimes more, for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. Other than family dropping in to spend time with them, it was usually just the patient and myself. Hence their willingness and more importantly, their DESIRE to share their philosophies and regrets with me. A full-length book is being released later in 2011 which may answer other questions raised here. Thanks for the opportunity to contribute.
As the author of this article, I find it interesting that you have deleted my previous comment, simply because I explained the article in more detail and addressed the misunderstandings you spoke of in your own article. If you are truly into overcoming bias, then perhaps you would have left he original, detailed, and heart-felt comment here for all viewers to read. You are welcome to debate it all as much as you wish. It makes no difference to the authenticity of my experiences, nor to the words shared with me by dying people. The fact that people have called me a doctor or other things on the Internet is out of my control. Such is the Internet.
The Bronnie Ware piece has been around since at least August 2010, but appears now to be gaining ground exponentially via internet blogs. The strange thing is that at no point has anyone really bothered to find out if the any of it is true - is it completely true, partially true, slightly embellished anecdotal observation, or just a story from someone who describes herself as a storyteller? When you look at the accompanying biog - 'nomadic lifestyle', song-writing, speaker etc. - it doesn't quite tie in with the 'many years' spent in palliative care. In the re-telling of the piece, she is a nurse, but there's no evidence of her actually being a qualified nurse; in one blog, she's become a doctor; and on her Facebook page, somebody thanks her for her 'research', but it's not really research is it? If it's true, then I owe her an apology, but I suspect it's all just a story. Wait for the book to be published (soon I gather).
Number 4 is also a boast in disguise: I wish I had stayed in touch with the small town losers I grew up with, but instead I became a big shot who wasn't able to pal around with the little people any more. It's lonely at the top. Etc.
It's just a metaphor for having a bird's eye view. I think reviewing priorities is not the same. It is more like thinking too short-term, liking choosing to work a bad job day by day. So taking the kind of birds' eye view and asking ourselves if we had two choices, quit this job now or work here for the next ten years, which one is better, can be enlightening.
I don't think that they are opiate-thoughts. I regret similar things if think I'm dying.
People work hard and cumulate wealth and power because they are worried about future. When there is no more future those things are useless.
When people have future, but no resources they regret opposite things. They wish they had worked harder, cared less about their short term happiness, wasted less time hanging around with their idiot friends.
I don't know, I found those "regrets" to actually be quite poignant lessons in life. Expressing feelings openly and honestly is like casting magic spells. It really does transform your life. And yes, being happy is indeed a choice you make, and the choice is going to make you more rational, not less. All of these lessons build on each other, and the life they create is one that's unafraid of death.
Maintaining pure objectivity is a fool's game, but I don't expect to ever convince you of that, Robin.
bruh. you understand the average person achieves relatively nothing and suffers immensely for it? like cogs or bugs. even in present day, first world countries. most people spend it mentally miserable, complaining in comparison about social status. even in the most physically luxurious time period imaginable, they are not wise/brave enough to avoid getting one shotted by the social question. still seeking approval, they never self actualize and just work a goy job and eat goyslop and are skinnyfat and fill their precious time with lesuire activities like traveling to europe because they have, for all intents and purposes, essentially never had a unique idea of their own. the average american is way too zoomed in close for their entire lives, assuming that their misery is a default environmental condition that happens to them, whilst the whole time, it was just a matter of perspective. if they could have paid more attention to their own lives as they were living them, and had a drop of courage/creativity in the few moments their mind was willing to zoom out, they could have transmuted all suffering to peace. but no, they were addicted to distraction. addicted to not being alone with their thoughts, desperately avoiding the minor pain which was always the magic they were missing. and now that they finally see it head on, it’s too late. what’s not to regret about a society where the average person lives like this? acknowledgement is the first step to reshaping the way we live so that people can be happy and productive without denying their agency
“If you marry, you will regret it; if you do not marry, you will also regret it; if you laugh at the world, you will regret it; if you weep for the world, you will also regret it; if you believe in a woman, you will regret it; if you do not believe in her, you will also regret it; if you hang yourself, you will regret it; if you do not hang yourself, you will regret it; if you trust your friend, you will regret it; if you do not trust him, you will also regret it. Laugh at the world's foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will also regret it. Laugh at the world's foolishness or weep over it, you will regret it; whether you laugh or weep, you will regret it. Whether you believe in a woman or not, you will regret it. Whether you hang yourself or not, you will regret it. Whether you trust your friend or not, you will regret it. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.” — Kierkegaard
I think it's awesome that Bronnie showed up here!
I'm also curious about the idea in your original article that people's bitterness made them ill. It does't go into detail, but what do you mean by ill? Localised illness, like stress, or 'big' illness, like cancer etc? If you meant the latter -- how do you know? How can you tell?
Hi Bonnie,Thanks for clarifying. Out of curiosity, if the book you're writing isn't free, will any percentage of profits go to any charity or body other than yourself?
In brief, my previous comment addressed the willingness of people to share their regrets with me. They were never pushed to do so and it was not a topic that was shared with all patients. It was simply something that came out of them naturally as our relationships developed, since they had someone sitting there listening to whatever they wished to share. What made my experiences different to your wife's, for example, is that I worked one-on-one with dying people in their homes, not in a busy hospice. So the relationships formed between us were entirely different. I was with people twelve hours a day, at least five days per week, sometimes more, for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. Other than family dropping in to spend time with them, it was usually just the patient and myself. Hence their willingness and more importantly, their DESIRE to share their philosophies and regrets with me. A full-length book is being released later in 2011 which may answer other questions raised here. Thanks for the opportunity to contribute.
I'd be very much interested in you reposting your comment. If it was too long or unpleasant to do so, I'd of course understand.
I don't recall deleting a comment here. Perhaps it went over the word limit or had links that triggered the spam filter?
As the author of this article, I find it interesting that you have deleted my previous comment, simply because I explained the article in more detail and addressed the misunderstandings you spoke of in your own article. If you are truly into overcoming bias, then perhaps you would have left he original, detailed, and heart-felt comment here for all viewers to read. You are welcome to debate it all as much as you wish. It makes no difference to the authenticity of my experiences, nor to the words shared with me by dying people. The fact that people have called me a doctor or other things on the Internet is out of my control. Such is the Internet.
The Bronnie Ware piece has been around since at least August 2010, but appears now to be gaining ground exponentially via internet blogs. The strange thing is that at no point has anyone really bothered to find out if the any of it is true - is it completely true, partially true, slightly embellished anecdotal observation, or just a story from someone who describes herself as a storyteller? When you look at the accompanying biog - 'nomadic lifestyle', song-writing, speaker etc. - it doesn't quite tie in with the 'many years' spent in palliative care. In the re-telling of the piece, she is a nurse, but there's no evidence of her actually being a qualified nurse; in one blog, she's become a doctor; and on her Facebook page, somebody thanks her for her 'research', but it's not really research is it? If it's true, then I owe her an apology, but I suspect it's all just a story. Wait for the book to be published (soon I gather).
It's not that weird. You get curious, try some weaker opiates go cruse the hot spots in the city.
"I wish I'd had a lower future time orientation."
I can feel that way myself, even though I expect I have plenty of time left. Perhaps this is better known as the mid-life crisis.
Number 4 is also a boast in disguise: I wish I had stayed in touch with the small town losers I grew up with, but instead I became a big shot who wasn't able to pal around with the little people any more. It's lonely at the top. Etc.