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This is a blog on why we believe and do what we do, why we pretend otherwise, how we might do better, and what our descendants might do, if they don't all die.
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Consider this iconic seduction scene from '58 movie The Lovers, from 58:55 on.
It is dark, quiet, behind a large house at night. Jeanne walks past Bernard, not seeing him. B follows quietly, approaches, J is startled to see him.
B: It’s You. [J says nothing, walks away, after 14sec B follows, catches up, both keep walking.] B: You must be happy living in such a lovely place. J: If only it weren’t in the provinces. I prefer Paris. B: Paris. It’s the flavor of the day. Is that what you like? [J stops, then B stops with her.] J: When I’m tired, everyone bores me, and you’re boring me now. B: I don’t mean to. [J again walks away from B. B stops for a sec, then catches up.] J: Can’t you leave me alone? I need to think. B: Let’s think together. J: You’re so annoying. B: I agree. At times I can’t stand myself. J: Quite often, I imagine. What do you do then? B: I dream about beautiful things. Things you don’t like. J: You don’t know what I like or dislike. B: You don’t seem to like this sky or this moonlight .. or this house. J: Don’t talk about the moon as if you invented it. [J stops, B stops then too.] Moonlight is fine, but there’s nothing special about it. B: Stop sounding like you’re friend, Maggy What’s-her-name. [J shrugs, walks briskly away, quickly leaving his sight. +35s we see B following at a distance. +20sec J stops. +5 sec B approaches J] J: Don’t feel obligated to keep me company., B: I wouldn’t dream of it. J: You’re too complicated for me. B: But not a bad person. J: You think so? B: I’m sure of it. [J walks away again, B follows] B: “The moon rising in cloudless skies, suddenly bathed her in its silver light.” J: Whom do you mean? B: “She saw her image glowing in my eyes. Her smile like an angel's did gleam.” J: [Smiles] “The night is beautiful.” B: “The night is a woman.” [J puts her hand down, B puts his hand on hers, J allows that.]
Even today, many women find this iconic movie seduction scene to be especially romantic. She is verbally oppositional, repeatedly walks away, and tells him to leave her alone. He persists anyway. But it seems as if she does all this to test him, and he passes her tests by ignoring her stated wishes. So, does Jeanne “consent” to this conversation?
Classic Seduction Scene
Important context missing from your conclusion: It's from a movie called The Lovers.
If it was from a movie called The Rapist or The Killer, no woman would find it romantic. And I hope no man either.
As to men's confusion about "what exactly women really want" - here's a simple rule. Don't follow women on lonely roads, especially at night. In real life that's a creepy thing to do. And if a woman acts inconsistently when she can't shake off the man, it's partly because she's afraid that persistently telling him to stop following her will make him angry and attack her and partly because she's not sure if he's a creep or just a romantic.
Mating games are played subtly. Whether a "no" is a "No!" or a "Keep trying!" depends on very fine nuances. This often depends also on how the woman later acts. If she finally walks away, it was a 'no', if she hesitates and keeps playing, it's a test. Women must play this way in order to keep the option of rejecting the courtshipping man open without losing their face or avoiding the threat of assault. So whether she "consented" or not depends on both, subtle nuances and what happens afterwards.