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This is a blog on why we believe and do what we do, why we pretend otherwise, how we might do better, and what our descendants might do, if they don't all die.
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Ask For Help

Robin Hanson
Jul 12, 2008
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Ask For Help

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From a new study in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology:

People underestimated by as much as 50% the likelihood that others would agree to a direct request for help, across a range of requests occurring in both experimental and natural field settings. … Experimentally manipulating a person’s perspective (as help seeker or potential helper) could elicit this underestimation effect. … Help seekers were less willing than potential helpers were to appreciate the social costs of refusing a direct request for help.

We don’t like to ask for help, men especially, because asking threatens our status.  Believing that others won’t help lets us "sincerely" avoid asking.

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Ask For Help

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Overcoming Bias Commenter
May 15

"Ask for help"; very well. See link. It's needed desperately.

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Overcoming Bias Commenter
May 15

I believe I ask for help about as much as the average guy, which means, not nearly as much as my wife would like me to. However, I don't think this has anything to do with my expectations of getting help. I can't think of a situation where I failed to ask for help because I didn't think I'd get it.

Instead, I think there are two main reasons (OK, maybe three):

1. I don't want to impose on someone if the task is something I can figure out for myself. The "helper" probably has more urgent situations to attend.

2. Call it focused determination or call it narcissistic stubbornness, but I like to solve problems for myself, at least to the extent that I feel I've exhausted all reasonable approaches given the context of the problem.

3. I'm shy.

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